May has turned to June ,which in Harare means it’s winter 0.2 .The days are occasionally warm ,the nights are a battle of wits with the cold ,and-yes ,I’m a matchmaker still living with my dog Bhoki and hanging out at the local coffee shop trying to catch a glimpse of ‘him’. Him being the missing connection and the final piece to my puzzle .
Am I happy ? I doubt that as I am currently sitting on my well carpeted floor crying out my heart out and helping myself to badly burnt fat cooks. You see ,I have never been one to fall in love or pretend to be a graceful swan waltzing into a room and commanding the presence of everyone in it. I have kept a portion of my life secret -the one about my job and my mother’s unsuccessful career as a sangoma .
The guy that I have been secretly dating is cheating on me . After I gave him the best six months of his year . Get me right,I made him laugh ,cooked chicken soup for him when he was cold and I absolutely did not give him the cookie. He was supposed to be the straight on-the-path-to-heaven youth pastor and I was the sangoma’s daughter with more waist beads than a bead maker down the road.
So imagine my surprise when I walked in on him with his assistant crying out to the universe and holding on to each other for dear life.The hypocrisy ,the lies and the hurt ! I was pissed and at that moment I hated everyone that made more than three figures and wore body hugging suits. I would have continued to wail if I didn’t have a 1pm meeting with a certain bachelor looking for love .
All I knew about this bachelor was that his name was Tonderai .He hadn’t listed his profession so I assumed he was one of those truck drivers that occasionally decided that meaningless sex on the side of the road was overrated and he needed to settle down with a submissive wife that would do his laundry,keep his bed warm and give him off springs . I hated those kind as they always came into my office with dominance and smelling of unwashed clothes and soaked in cheap perfume and a cockiness that came from living living on the road.
Tonderai was going to be an easy match if he was one of those tho as I had a bachelorette that had been on the wait list for so long .She couldn’t seem to get a match even when I tried to put her on top of the list ,she was pretty and occasionally smart but she was looking for a Forbes list kinda guy. The problem with her type was that she didn’t realize that we were in Harare and sheikhs and billionaires were no way closer to our geographical co-ordinates.
A loud knock jolted me back to reality and I straightened my pencil skirt ,quickly wore my heels and went to the door. Karma be a two faced monster I tell you ,standing in front of me was this tall dark bearded man dripping of melanin and everything finesse . My saliva clotted on my throat as I stared at the most beautiful hazel eyes I had ever seen . My hand stood frozen on the door knob as I stood there drooling at this fine specimen of a man ,I took in his suit that screamed expensive .It was his suit that tugged my bitter heartstrings and made me regain my consciousness .I smiled politely and ushered him and my hatred of him and his suit dominated my thoughts.
I had no idea why I hated him just yet but I knew his suit reminded me of that jerk that had screwed his assistant . I walked towards my chair and looked straight at him and gave him my cherry on top smile.At that moment you would have crowned me the black Meryl Streep my smile was as fake and real as my thrift shop fake Prada handbag…..