Posted in Life

Confessions Of A Zimbabwean Coconut

Sometimes I want to get up during dinner and scream at my parents (that I love so much) and just maybe I will feel better. I can see my mothers shocked face as I type this and the mischevious grin on my brother’s ridiculous face( I love that guy).

My parents lied to me, my Sunday school teacher didn’t lie but she forget to tell me that growing up was a trap and the second-grade teacher that told me I would grow up to become a  great teacher was probably tired of telling Jonathan to wipe his nose when she told me that.

Adulting in Modern Zimbabwe is hard and I wish this adulting gig came with a manual. Sixty times a day I just want to be a toddler with no worries at all except a smelly diaper but if wishes were horses.

Since yesterday was Sunday, I have a few confessions to make🙈 and so help me.

1. I take comfort in having a funeral policy. 

That might sound crazy but hear me out. If ever I was to get real sick and Lord knows we can’t afford to fly me out anywhere and there was nothing they could do. I would be mourned properly as they wouldn’t have to worry about where they would get a casket.

2. I am Broke 

Please 😕not broke like in the movies where they can still dash to Starbucks or walk into a pizza place and get a job. I am broke in such a way that allows me to have the basic needs covered and not unexpected expenses like unexpected baby showers or a Girlcation in Capetown.

3. I am not a Vegan but I am halfway there. 

If I could plant pork ribs I would and if bacon grew on trees I would camp outside till it was ready and preserve it all year but newsflash these things are in my head. I have been experimenting with so many vegetables ( darn that garden) I have forgotten the smell of bacon in my kitchen.

4. I am Limiting Social Media Media Because My Data Plan Sucks

Gosh if I could spend the whole day on Pinterest or watching dogs singing on YouTube I would but my monthly data plan hits me with the Nah fams as soon as I recharge it.





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