Regardless of the whole “congrats you’re not pregnant” moment, periods suck. They are painful (sometimes), they give you acne, they make you cry over a dog crossing the road (forget rabies) and they can unexpectedly show up because they are rude (occasionally). I have had moments when I felt like Manyuchi was having a training session in my ovaries. We all have been clamped together in foetal position nursing one or more of these thoughts or if you are pretty cool you have entertained one of these thoughts while watching a dog singing ‘unbreak my heart’ on a couch.
- ” Is this how I die?”
They are days when the cramps are so extra you find yourself kneeling on the floor praying your heart out because it feels like the end.
2. “Maybe pregnancy isn’t so bad.”
When those cramps hit a high note you start entertaining thoughts of having a baby growing inside of you because hmmm your period came hard this month.
3. ” I thought they said instant relief”
Ah, yes. Sometimes the painkiller takes centuries to kick in and you are just there eye rolling at your uterus singing Take it easy Mama knows.
4. ” I want chocolate”
5. “ Oh gross, I can’t possibly be Horny”
6. Why is he walking so slow? He is so disrespectful!
Road rage is the worst! Everyone seems to be walking slower than a snail and you just have to get wherever you going as quickly as possible.
7. If I sneeze, will my tampon fly out? Because I am new to this tampon business.
8. * gets out of bed and checks for signs of leaks* Please I better not have spoiled myself
9. “oh come on, since when do I have a belly? I have rock solid abs”
10. So he thinks my life revolves around him? I am an independent woman and I can get my own guac.