First dates are the worst trust me, I mean you might think you are being cute and hilarious while in actual fact you are boring the darn human to reminiscing about a history lesson in 1999. It’s always hard to figure out if you oversharing your excessive luggage that made it through baggage claim or being an honest saint who tells everybody her truth without looking like a deranged selfie with no filter. Here’s my list of everything you should not say on a first date *sift through the list with caution*
- Your messed up family
It’s none of his business that your uncle slept with the maid and took a loan using his mother’s house. Uhmmm you trying to score date number 2 and not audition for a chance to have a sit down with Dr. Phil.
2. Your godchildren
A slideshow about your godchildren will do nothing for him but more for your ovaries. Don’t seem like you showed up to the date because you need a healthy hunk to fertilize your diamonds *shakes heads*. Skip the children talk till you score your 65th date (just a random number).
3. Your Ex
If people don’t care what you threw out in the trash last week then he probably doesn’t care about the ex that broke your heart and stole your socks. Keep your mouth shut and if you see your ex across the room pretend you have dating amnesia because some people are worth forgetting right!?
4. Your Insecurities
Chances are he didn’t see how your left ear is thrice the size of your right ear so keep it to ear. Girl, you better chew your food like you don’t notice you look like an elf because nobody cares because hmm you love yourself and you don’t care what they think (sometimes you do)
5. Your Bank balance
You could be broke as a church mouse but you show up to that date looking like your account has more than $0.05 because hmm respect to the bank teller that knows how much is in your account. But do borrow if you have to but show up to your date with some money at least -it doesn’t have to be enough to buy a Ferrari but a meal at least.
What shouldn’t people say on a first date?