Should I start by saying hie? How are you? It’s been a minute y’all but I just popped in to talk about everything that makes me want to visit my minimalist wine cellar with two bottles technically 1 and 1/4 bottles *smiles*. It’s so ridiculous that it takes being stuck (I mean staying) with my family to find out my tolerance. So here is everything driving me to my makeshift wine cellar:
1. Toilet Break
I promise Everytime I want to use the Jane someone is in there. I get it ! The toilet is a cool place to meditate but you can’t possibly stake out in there for more than two hours or can you. I have had to knock or sometimes plead for them to hurry because peeing once a day on the water diet I am on is a scam.
2. Neighbourhood hawk
Checking on us once should be enough right!? Calling us every three hours is now borderline crazy or is it – I dunno
3. The Night Beaver
I am a light sleeper (thanks mum) so trust me when I say I really don’t like how my brother gets ready for bed at 2am. Like do you really need to move tables and what is that you are dragging and did you just open a packet of crisps?
4. The Judgemental Eater
There has to be that one person on a fancy diet that puts spinach on a pizza topping in a family. I should have gone abroad so I get why eating meat after 7 is a bad idea
5. The Conspiracy Theorist
I have to wake up to a message about the world ending every single day and I can’t lose my cool because it’s an older relative we all respect . She once theorised that my dog was blind because it never followed her anywhere.
Can you pass that wine glass now?