A Smile For Christmas

I wish I was a cliche rom-com! I would make a wish under the stars for a prince and a new life and bam I would wake up the next morning a princess😂 But I am just a Ginger belle under the southern African sun wishing for a smile for Christmas.

All I want for Christmas is a perfect smile. Wouldn’t I just love to have a Christmas shoot in my Hallmark sweater? I would love that but I can’t!

I hate my smile and I hate pictures. Sometimes when I decide to take a selfie, I make sure I ain’t smiling. My dentist said after several procedures I should be good to start waiting for my jaw to realign again. If I am not getting a tooth filling, I am pretty much worrying why my tooth gap seems to be increasing.

As I write this, I am on my way to the dentist to see about getting a tooth filling. With every visit and every rising cost, I am losing hope. It’s hard to be hopeful when your dentist seems unhopeful 😞 and oh well.

I have always wanted that fairytale wedding and those drool-worthy wedding pictures but at this rate, I would rather settle for a court wedding and honeymoon pictures no one will ever see because if I do get married I don’t want the husbae to be subjected to taunts.

One pretty woman once said, “I look much better when I am not smiling”…and that hit hard. I also fell for a guy who hated my smile because it didn’t go with his image *sigh*. I am looking for a little normalcy in my rom-com because All I want for Christmas is a smile or should I wish for blueberry pie?

Dear John

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Dear John

You were not kidding when you said we will always have memories of laughter shared, books read, tv shows watched and jokes shared.

But, you will always have your words, songs, and appropriate life-sized memes.

Me, I will always have the countless messages we shared together.

I wish I had been there to say goodbye! To hold your hand one last time, to reassure you that I was gonna be okay. That no matter what, the sun would come to show up. I miss you dearly and I guess that’s not the norm for a Dear John letter but who cares. Dear John was your favorite movie and thus I had to put the R in respect.

Do you ever look down on us and see how we are faring. Who will teach my kids to ride a bicycle, sing a decent note and we will wake me up with ‘hey Mama’ now that we have reached the end of the road. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? I miss you terribly.

I picked up the phone to call you yesterday to let you know the Springboks won the rugby world cup. But you were not on the other side. They told me that it would get easier but you were my family. I wish you would come back for a second and scold me one last time and promise to paint my office pink.

Will you write about us there? What do I show my kids then? You were going to be the fun Uncle they would love but you went too soon.

We had the longest ride and this ride isn’t over …

xxx

Your Starlight

 

I Found Aladdin’s Lamp But There Was No Genie

It’s been a minute right!? Did you miss me? Can I see hands? LOL. So on my blogging sabbatical I found Aladdin’s lamp with the Marauders Map (how hilarious).In case you are wondering, the lamp was a fancy  shiny silver Kango lamp and the genie was missing. Did anyone see a bearded man with no legs hovering around?  He is probably blue, larger than life and he thinks he is funny. Anyways……

When I was a child, I really wanted to find Aladdin’s lamp and wish to be an adult so I could buy my own house and buy Nandos every day. Now that I am an adult,I wish I could find that cave and return this darn lamp. It’s crazy but imagine not wishing for anything but growing at the speed of a chameleon. I would do that because growing is a scam that I fell for and if it was a relationship we would have broken up way back with no remorse.

I barely can afford to shop for new threads every week because the money in my account is enough for an apple and if I am lucky a banana. Can we start a support group for all those that went looking for the lamp and failed? Adulting is hard and scary and it’s totally normal to pinch yourself and wish to be a toddler.

Babe Cave Essentials

I have a confession and I promise it’s good. …

So I  have been daydreaming about my babe cave. Yep like my own cave, like who doesn’t want to have their own space ( can I see hands?)

So in my thinking and Pinterest pinning moments, I came up with the essentials everyone needs in their first apartment/babe cave/cottage.

Can I just say moving out is a scam because everything is so costly and you can’t really leave your mama’s house with your childhood bed ( *gasp*)

Anyways here is my essential list like I could be wrong:

1. Bed and Bedding

I will rather be broke for months with a decent bed and pillows. I work hard so I should enjoy sleeping lol.

2. Cleaning supplies

I am germ-phobic so doing dishes, laundry etc is my thang. I do complain about dishes but I will still do them.

3. Toilet Paper

Who doesn’t take a dump? Like seriously! So respeck the behind 😂👌also don’t forget your bathroom essentials.

4. Kitchenware

Nobody expects you to have a microwave if you can’t afford it. But you need a gas stove, pots, spoons etc. A decent number just enough to get you by till your next blessing.

5. Food

Lik,e get food you actually EAT and know how to cook.

If you have money left you can even get a small table hey.

What would you get for your first apartment?

 

 

 

Naomi

I bet at one point in your life you have screamed out “Why God Why?”. I have *no lie* and lately, that’s all that has been on my lips. I have been in the Egypt of despair for 9 days but who is counting and I am out of coins for positivity. It started with my mum getting into an accident a broken friendship and a whole lotta bamboo started happening. I lost one of the most amazing opportunities life had served to me as my lemonade in a minute and I am still tryna discover. I really get Naomi, to be honest. She lost everything -her husband, her sons and her faith. Talk about a bitter woman ☹. At one point, I thought Naomi was dramatic and she couldn’t really have been that sad. I apologise, Naomi because I truly understand how it feels like to have lost everything. I have roller coaster moments currently, one moment we are high and the next we are on the ground scraping dirt and all.
Am I heartbroken? Probably
Am I Sad? Sometimes
Am I still hopeful? Yes
Do I still trust God? Yes

I guess to everything there is a season and a time. God surely cannot be done with me. How do you shut up Peninnah when she constantly wants to remind you that there isn’t help to come? Do you move to a new city like Naomi and find your people?

Am I That Stupid?

I recently got a job offer (could be Google who knows) and I was so psyched I could finally afford to get airtime for myself and splurge on killer heels but the joy was shortlived. I sent a message to my friend letting her know how excited and disgruntled I was and she replied “KKK told you the job industry sucks, you about to join the stressed job market. Why you stupid?”. This has been my best friend of 10 years y’all, I am sure she could have figured my stupidity 10 years ago. She wasn’t happy at all it seems and I told her that I didn’t like how she called me stupid. This isn’t second grade hey, we grown-up women trying to make it in the concrete jungle. Her reply was that I am an emotional wreck and “ndongocatcher feelings”. I am quite emotional but I am sure I am not wrong? Am I? Am I so stupid for getting excited? Hit me up in the comments below

Eat, Pray & Love Yourself

This might just come out as another food post, seeing as it’s 11:15 pm but it’s not (hopefully). I do apologise in advance to all my foodies out there that have come to enjoy my food musings if it’s not as yummy as you would have hoped.

I have known for some time that I suffer from minimum self-love. For a long time, I just didn’t know how to love myself and its still a nagging problem that I have to talk about it (or write about it). I have been that girl that has purposely stood behind every tall person in a group picture because the pretty woman told me even filters wouldn’t hide my ugliness 😢, I have been that girl that has used their phone cam to snap pictures of food, trees and dogs because they didn’t think they were photogenic (*sigh*) and I have been that girl that has listened to every negative comment savoured it and made it my theme song.

I have gotten remarks from “you too skinny for a black girl”, ” please don’t smile, your smile is ugly”, “you dress like a white person” to “bish please you repulsively unphotogenic”. I let them get to me and I forgot Song Of Solomon 4:7 in the midst of it all.

I am learning to love my clumsy self, to embracing my flaws and to even taking a second to snap a selfie (once a week). How do you self-love?

* Do daily affirmations. Stand in front of the mirror and talk to yourself. Do it daily until you believe it!
*Download or buy a journal to write down your successes, what you are grateful for and what you like about yourself etc

*Switch off your inner critic and speak positivity about yourself.

*Eat healthily! Yep, veggies are badass and totally good for your body. Love your body enough to feed it vegetables.

* Pray &Meditate.

*You can’t say you love yourself if you haven’t shaved in 56 weeks. Shave, trim and take care of your body.

*Bless yourself with something you have been dying to get/do. Want to go hiking? Do it!

* Set aside time to unplug from social media, to enjoy your own company, to watch a romcom

*Prioritize sleep and exercise. Self-love is sleeping and not having all-nighters every day to binge watch Criminal Minds.

*Do not over-schedule, over-book or over-commit.

*Moisturize your skin.

* set aside a day to do your nails, DIY face masks etc

Learning to love yourself is similar to hiking the Kilimanjaro – its a step by step adventure. Love yourself every day and watch yourself go from plain water to a cappuccino ☕💕

I Am A TEDx Alumni. So What’s Next?

I gave the shortest TEDx talk in history and you missed it. Please don’t get mad (I am sorry!) but it was the best speech I ever gave. What did I talk about you ask? I just exclaimed with the enthusiasm of a seven year old “I am in”.

Where did my TEDx talk occur? In my bedroom
Did I have an audience? Yes! Just One.

“I am in” sounds like three useless words in a horror movie after a wrong turn but to me they were 3 life changing words. One April afternoon (very boring afternoon) Upenyu called me (yep she did) and it felt like Bill Gates called me an offered me a job at Microsoft and at that moment you want to act all cool and unbothered because uhmm you that awesome. She called me and asked me to be a TEDx volunteer. Please don’t clap 🙈 I was in shock. Did I know TED? Of course I knew the teddy bear (I kid) duhhh I knew about TEDx and boy did my jaw drop to the floor? Yes of course!

I wasn’t gonna say NO, I loved TEDx and boy someone like Upenyu calling you is like Jack Dorsey asking me to design an algorithm that gives everyone a personalised signature tweet style. TEDx changed my life and I don’t mean the daily social media updates but the life changing topics.

I wasn’t ready for introspection till Henrica took to the stage and gave a heart hitting talk on #considership. Was I a considerate person? She talked about those that hoard groceries without worrying about what the next person would need or do without them and I thought to myself one time I watched a whole family grab all the garlic rolls left in TM without thinking twice about everybody else staring at them. I remembered the sekuru that offered one of two of his rolls because he noticed my deflated shoulders.

I remember Laura talking about 3D printing and me thinking dayum they are changing lives and giving amputees hope. They have set the ground work for someone to come and carry on with the work they have started. Nicola with her CATs programme showed that age wasn’t an inhibitor of what can be done in the community. I was never ready for TEDxHarare and the impact it had on me.

From the ‘homeless’ photograph that captured our city, to the comic book artist that has given us superheroes young Africans can actually read and relate to, to Priscah and Simba Mufunde who proved to me that 5 year olds were actually smarter than I was, to Memory who questioned if my nutrition affected who I became to Tariro neGitare who reignited hope in all us.

I might be starting my yoga journey soon because wellness seems to be the in thing and one can say I am stuck on Tendai’s words ” its not a coincidence I am here”. If you ever see me with a yoga mat just remember it was written all along.

I didn’t stand up on the stage with them but I was there in that room in a battlefield of the mind. Can’t you equate me with the water boy at war who after the war will say ” I fought in the war”. It’s not a lie though because he was there.

What’s Next you ask? Well its yoga for now (thanks Tendai), breakfast with Robin Sharma (books are life) and for now we wait for that Google call. I guess we can say what’s next for us is Silicon Valley, a once a year gym membership and blueberry pancakes. What’s next for you?

Harare North

For 21 years I have stayed in the same neighborhood and have greeted the same faces (other days they are unwashed faces). I used to love my neighborhood because the yards are huge, town is near and I grew up here. Now I just want to move to Harare North. Why you ask? Well because of these reasons?

1. Moving to Harare North is like moving to those fancy suburbs you see in the movies

I have watched my mama toil to have the perfect green lawn with gorgeous plants for someone to come steal her flowers and take a dump on her well watered lawn. That sucks right? Like seriously? Don’t people respect other people’s hustles anymore?

2. There is neighborhood watch

We always hearing stories about someone that got robbed or beaten up but still the neighborhood isn’t that moved yet. It’s our neighbourhood shouldn’t we take action.

3. Someone always says my dogs are fat why do we feed them a lot

Uhmm we should starve our dogs? Nah fam!

4. Any fault takes for ever to be addressed

I kid you not! One time it took us a whole month for us to get our internet service provider to show up.

5. The Jehovah witness surely aren’t the only friendliest people in my hood right?

I have new neighbours and I have only met the Gardner and the maid (because she buys veggies from us). The only time she said hie to my mum she needed to ask if my brother could study with her son and that was via the maid. Wow!

I might not have great reasons why Harare North seems to be the place for this Coco but surely I can maybe get a sympathetic jury to hear me out right?

How To Handle Friendships When One Is Not Employed

I recently found out that I was fast becoming a statistic in my friend’s group and class. Why do you ask? Because I am damn not employed and definitely not showing off well-manicured hands or adorning Peruvian hair *sigh*. I almost broke down because I felt like a failure and I bet that’s how all those soldiers felt when David with just a sling and a stone killed Goliath. Can you picture going to military school and picking up girls by showing off your battle scars at the well and then watching a shepherd (we save a mighty God y’all) kill a giant? I definitely can because I watched that cartoon (you know you did too).

I have moments I feel like I can’t be their friend (still kinda do) anymore because every time I open my damn wallet I see my ID card (who stole my money?😂) and not that snack buying rent paying paper 😢. I noticed nobody invites me anywhere anymore because they think I am gonna order water and give them puppy dog eyes till they have to fork out money for my lunch😂.

So me being a good friend made a mini guide to help you navigate friendship when one is not unemployed.

Guide for the employed friend/s

* Check on your friend! It’s a trying time to wake up and stare at the four corners of a room the whole day and it’s a bleak time that can push someone to major depression and anxiety. Encourage them always!
* Forward jobs that they can apply for (it takes a minute)
*Pray for them! It is more blessed to do a good deed than it is to expect only good things to happen to you.
* Check their CVs! It could be outdated or filled to the brim with typos.

Guide for the Unemployed friend

* subscribe to job platforms and APPLY. You lose nothing by sending your application
*Keep growing! Get your certifications, improve your craft and keep learning
*Get some sunlight. Wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself will not give you a job
*Hustle! You heard me 😂 sell Avon Products etc
* Pray for doors of opportunities
*Don’t make your friends feel bad for making money. Cheer them on, root for them for tomorrow it’s your turn.

Till next time ☕💕