Posted in Koffeepionated

The sighs of a Mother Wannabe

” Do you want to be a mother!? she asked me showing concern and I gazed at the warm hazel eyes of my Gynae and said ” yes I do, let’s do all I can”. I had no option except to do what I had to do to be a mom. I saw my fairytale dream fade away. I once dreamt of sandy castles , glass slippers, a knight in shining armor and happy ever after. I was slowly running out of happy in my search for my happy ever after. As I pondered on her question sadness engulfed me for everything I prayed on , pinned on a vision board , journaled and imagined became just a dream. I wrestled with God because surely he would not give me one chance to be a mother and not give me a human to take the journey with. I was looking at a future where I was just mom , a Miss and a naked ring finger. I remember nights I cried willing God to blow my roof away and cuddle me. Maybe my faith was just the A in Abraham and rain came and blew my house away because I never heard him clearly . The only thing I heard from my bible reading was that he is El Roi (The God who sees me) and surely God could see me and my journey and nothing was surprising him. I am on a solo journey and I am hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel.


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